I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
