Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
