I'm so fucking centered right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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