I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
