So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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