Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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