I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
