I am puke
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
