Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize