he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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