if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
