Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
