i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
