The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
