im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
