if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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