Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
