i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
