so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
