I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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