So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
