Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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