watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
