i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
