my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Randomize