the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
