Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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