it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
