Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
