evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
