I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
