When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
