she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
There's even glitter on my cock...
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