i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize