All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
