I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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