Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
