My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
