So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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