he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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