I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
