I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
