I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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