she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
