remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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