i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize