She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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