I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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