The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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