Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
