fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
