well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
