the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
