i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
