Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
