he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
