Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
