I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize