She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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