Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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