she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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