I have demons in me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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