so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
