8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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