Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize