It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
