My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize