you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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