my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
