What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
